As parents, our teenage daughters bring us immense joy and, at times, profound challenges. We pour our hearts into raising them, always striving to do what we believe is best. But what exactly does the "right thing" look like? The rules seem to change when we think we have figured it out. Our clever and sometimes manipulative teens quickly exploit our uncertainties, turning them to their advantage. Being a psychotherapist, I wholeheartedly advocate for the mental health and well-being of children. Yet, even seemingly minor issues, like refusing to give them twenty pounds for an exercise mat, can spark anxiety and make us feel responsible. It is as if we're expected to set aside our needs and sacrifice our mental health, yet still, we sometimes fail to keep our daughters happy. Unlike today's generation, many of us were not raised with our every need met. Perhaps we are depriving our children of the chance to build resilience.
The mother-daughter relationship can be particularly challenging during the teen years. Without a supportive partner who understands and backs you up, this period can feel both painful and isolating. Some fathers, while not all, might relish being in their daughter's good graces, leaving mothers to bear the brunt of their teenage angst. You strive to guide this young woman, but all she perceives are restrictions and conflicts, labelling them as emotional toxicity. I have often found myself in this predicament. Father is seen as the hero for fulfilling every request, while I face criticism for setting boundaries. It feels like a lose-lose situation: the blame invariably falls on the mother if something goes wrong. Society, fathers, and children all seem to expect that we should have known better and prevented any issues. Despite these challenges, I am deeply grateful for my daughter and the experience of raising her. I look forward to the day she matures and understands the world from a broader perspective. Did our mothers have it more accessible without the pressures of social media and constant judgment? Will our daughters ever fully appreciate our efforts, or are we holding onto an elusive hope? We may never fully answer these questions, but they are worth pondering as we navigate the beautiful, turbulent journey of raising teenage daughters.
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